Cook Me Tender
December 10, 2004
What can you do when you see someone you love upset or in pain, and there’s nothing you can do to change the situation? The only thing anyone can do is to offer comfort, support and love. I tend to do this through cooking. Food, by nature, nurtures. For me, the act of cooking is an expression of love.
Some people love to cook; some love to have others cook for them. Indeed, either option can be a practical substitute for therapy. The whole process of preparing to cook, going through the motions, making a mess, and cleaning it up can be very cathartic for me. When I’m upset – I cook. At the same time, I am so touched when someone offers to cook for me. Someone could make toast with jam for me, and it would be the best toast and jam I ever had. I certainly feel cared for and looked after whenever someone cooks for me.
It doesn’t happen very often – that someone cooks for me.
That’s the plight of working in the food industry. From the minute you become a professional, you seem destined to pay for any meal not prepared by yourself. I don’t blame people for not wanting to cook for food professionals. I can see that it could be intimidating, but if only they knew - we are often the easiest people to please. The mere knowledge that it takes courage to prepare a meal for me musters up a humble gratitude toward anyone who does so. I see it as a gesture of affection, and am touched.
But then there is the question of what should you cook to provide someone with a feeling of comfort? One could research the effects of different foods on mood? There is definitely a connection between the two, but the subject has not been well explored, and the results of any such investigation are surely hypothetical. Think of aphrodisiacs, after all. Through the ages, many foods have been considered aphrodisiacs. Some earned the reputation for their restorative value, full of iron and vitamins; others for the warmth they might impart, such as hot peppers; others still for their appearance, resembling body parts (I need not tell you which ones!). Aphrodisiacs are not based on any conclusive evidence that they stir up sexual feelings and urges, and yet the premise must have been based on some common experience. Surely, if some foods can muster sexual feelings, other foods should be able to comfort the soul?
What foods give comfort then? I can tell you what foods comfort me – Yorkshire puddings, chocolate, split pea soup, and tea to name a few. Would these foods comfort you? Perhaps, but I doubt it. I think I find comfort in these foods because I either simply love them (chocolate) or they take me back to my childhood and make me think of my mother (roast dinners with Yorkshire puddings, pea soup for lunch, a cup of tea). I am fortunate having had a great childhood. Would someone who was not so lucky find comfort in being taken back in time through food memories? Quite possibly not. Regardless, you’d have to know a lot about that person’s childhood eating habits in order to pursue that particular route to console through food.
I’ve come to my own conclusion on this matter. If someone dear to me is suffering and I want to show them that I care, that I love them, and that I am there for them should they want to lean on me, I will cook. I’m not going to dwell on what to cook. Instead, I’ll make something that is special to me and tell them why. I’ll be sharing part of myself with them, and that, I hope, will let them know that they are special, supported and loved.